“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others’ prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.”
― Roy T. Bennett
The Values Behind the Values
When working privately with a coaching client, the second or third session typically involves reviewing their values. They’ve spent a week or two doing small exercises and day by day noticing what moves them and writing it down. We go through these one by one and discuss each at length.
Invariably, of a list of 15-20, 4-5 of those values are not how they live their life. They don’t represent who they are. They are what they want to hear or what they think I might want to hear. They are values that they “should find important,” even if they don’t, in fact, resonate with that value at all.
Generally, it’s values like kindness, happiness, family, etc. The values we think should be important, whether important to us or not.
All of this comes down to our fear of being judged, our inner critics, and our saboteurs. They all work hand in hand, and not in a good way, to steer our lives. We talk about them at length in Part 4 – Mountains and Monsters.
I mean, what would I think of you if you didn’t have family and happiness as a top value?! Turns out… it doesn’t matter to me what your values are, but it should matter to you.
Authenticity. Being authentic to yourself when doing these exercises is paramount to their success. To your success.
What checks do you have to ensure you’re being honest with yourself?
See you on the journey…